Saturn Return

The Saturn Return is an astrological phenomenon that occurs at the ages of 27-30, 58-60, and finally from 86-88, coinciding with the time it takes the planet Saturn to make one orbit around the sun. It is believed by astrologers that as Saturn "returns" to the degree in which it occupied at the time of birth -- approximately every 29.5 years...The first Saturn Return is famous because it represents the first test of character and the structures a person has built their lives upon. According to traditions, should these structures be unsound or that a person is living out of touch with his or her true values, the Saturn Return will be a time of upheaval and limitations as Saturn forces him or her to jettison old concepts and worn out patterns of living. It is not uncommon for relationships and jobs to end during this time of life restructuring and reevaluation.

Revising Worn Out Patterns
Saturn strips away illusions and points out limitations, allowing you to view yourself in a harsh, often unflattering light. At the same time, it endows you with prudence, practicality, and the perseverance to work hard toward achieving your purposes. Consequently, this is a good time to rearrange your career or lay the foundation for a new one. Saturn Return almost always requires some major adjustments in lifestyle, attitudes, and relationships. Anything you have outgrown, or have tolerated but not found satisfying, must end now or be altered to meet your emerging needs. According to Hand, "Consciously or unconsciously, you are pruning your life of everything that is not relevant to what you really are as a human being."

I've felt this fierce urgency to change for a some time now. I haven't been myself lately and have said this to those close to me. During this last semester of school I started to feel that I'd not been true to who I am...I ignored it. I read a wonderful book Who Moved My Cheese? and there it was...this insatiable thirst to change. Now, once again, I've found myself in this place of needing to change because I have not been true to who I really am. I've held back, become withdrawn...I'm a robot...just going through the motions trying not to feel so that I can continue to keep the true me at bay. WELL IT'S NOT WORKING!!!!!!!

My true self is overpowering all efforts of containment. I've found myself working toward starting private practice about FOUR TO FIVE years earlier than I previously planned. I'm re-evaluating my relationships. Sometimes people like the person they believe you to be...the person they've imagined you are and not the true you. We often adapt to situations and different people, but at what cost to ourselves? Yes, at my job I allow them to believe they are teaching me something I don't know out of sheer exhaustion of trying to prove otherwise. It is possible to adapt and still remain true to yourself...right?

So here I am at this place in my life where I'm having to make changes not because things are horrible, but because I am not being true to who I really am. Things need to be altered to fit my needs. That sounds selfish, but it's really not. What purpose is it to walk through life doing things that are dissatisfying to us? There is no purpose. Remaining true to who you are & your true values brings with it many joys and fulfillment with life in general. The interesting thing about Saturn Return for me is that, my five & ten year plans are now of course. Though it's not a problem...I just have to make a revision, lol.

"Growth is often accompanied by trepidation & turmoil. As the old self is pushed aside to make room for the new, you may feel weak and vulnerable. You want to move ahead, yet are frustrated by a fear of doing so, torn between a compelling urge to throw off everything connected with your past and an equally frantic need to cling to the familiar rather than brave the great unknown."

Truth is, I'm struggling to let go of what I've already tried altering to fit my needs. I am in a constant struggle with myself...working feverishly to contain my true desires and needs...my values and what I hold dear to my soul, instead of letting go and being free. Moving ahead is frustrating and I'm slightly fearful...ok. terrified!

Thank you Stix-n-Stuff