Things fall apart...
Shit happens...
Today I'm heartbroken. I can't get out of my own way to enjoy happiness.
Discussion...
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Something Personal
This is short...
I've been content for sometime...until recently when my world was turned upside down.
I write a lot and believe wholeheartedly in what I write. I am working to be a better woman...a better version of myself. I'm working to follow what I believe in my soul. Regardless to what anyone else may think (generally not one to care about what others think unless it's about my writing and it leads to a great discussion,lol), I am on that path and decisions I make continue to help me grow.
Someone keeps telling me to stop "dumbin' it down" so...here goes. I care for you so deeply it is beyond the realm of reason. You keep pushing me to be the person I want to be...my true self and I'm fighting you with all I have though it seems to not be working. Your LIGHT shines the way to a path that I've covered with brush. I'm done fighting you and myself. I greatly appreciate what you see in me and thank you for allowing me to express freely what some may not understand. Thank you for reopening what I had locked away...who knew you had the key. I'm inspired.
Finding someone who loves and accepts you for who you are at the moment and having a vision of the person you will grow to be is rare. When you find it hang on to it with all that you have. Regardless to that being an intimate relationship or a friendship, HOLD FAST to it.
P.S. I am often the disrupter of my world. At moments it appears to be the work of others, but with careful thought, it is I.
I've been content for sometime...until recently when my world was turned upside down.
I write a lot and believe wholeheartedly in what I write. I am working to be a better woman...a better version of myself. I'm working to follow what I believe in my soul. Regardless to what anyone else may think (generally not one to care about what others think unless it's about my writing and it leads to a great discussion,lol), I am on that path and decisions I make continue to help me grow.
Someone keeps telling me to stop "dumbin' it down" so...here goes. I care for you so deeply it is beyond the realm of reason. You keep pushing me to be the person I want to be...my true self and I'm fighting you with all I have though it seems to not be working. Your LIGHT shines the way to a path that I've covered with brush. I'm done fighting you and myself. I greatly appreciate what you see in me and thank you for allowing me to express freely what some may not understand. Thank you for reopening what I had locked away...who knew you had the key. I'm inspired.
Finding someone who loves and accepts you for who you are at the moment and having a vision of the person you will grow to be is rare. When you find it hang on to it with all that you have. Regardless to that being an intimate relationship or a friendship, HOLD FAST to it.
P.S. I am often the disrupter of my world. At moments it appears to be the work of others, but with careful thought, it is I.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Saturn Return
The Saturn Return is an astrological phenomenon that occurs at the ages of 27-30, 58-60, and finally from 86-88, coinciding with the time it takes the planet Saturn to make one orbit around the sun. It is believed by astrologers that as Saturn "returns" to the degree in which it occupied at the time of birth -- approximately every 29.5 years...The first Saturn Return is famous because it represents the first test of character and the structures a person has built their lives upon. According to traditions, should these structures be unsound or that a person is living out of touch with his or her true values, the Saturn Return will be a time of upheaval and limitations as Saturn forces him or her to jettison old concepts and worn out patterns of living. It is not uncommon for relationships and jobs to end during this time of life restructuring and reevaluation.
Revising Worn Out Patterns
Saturn strips away illusions and points out limitations, allowing you to view yourself in a harsh, often unflattering light. At the same time, it endows you with prudence, practicality, and the perseverance to work hard toward achieving your purposes. Consequently, this is a good time to rearrange your career or lay the foundation for a new one. Saturn Return almost always requires some major adjustments in lifestyle, attitudes, and relationships. Anything you have outgrown, or have tolerated but not found satisfying, must end now or be altered to meet your emerging needs. According to Hand, "Consciously or unconsciously, you are pruning your life of everything that is not relevant to what you really are as a human being."
I've felt this fierce urgency to change for a some time now. I haven't been myself lately and have said this to those close to me. During this last semester of school I started to feel that I'd not been true to who I am...I ignored it. I read a wonderful book Who Moved My Cheese? and there it was...this insatiable thirst to change. Now, once again, I've found myself in this place of needing to change because I have not been true to who I really am. I've held back, become withdrawn...I'm a robot...just going through the motions trying not to feel so that I can continue to keep the true me at bay. WELL IT'S NOT WORKING!!!!!!!
My true self is overpowering all efforts of containment. I've found myself working toward starting private practice about FOUR TO FIVE years earlier than I previously planned. I'm re-evaluating my relationships. Sometimes people like the person they believe you to be...the person they've imagined you are and not the true you. We often adapt to situations and different people, but at what cost to ourselves? Yes, at my job I allow them to believe they are teaching me something I don't know out of sheer exhaustion of trying to prove otherwise. It is possible to adapt and still remain true to yourself...right?
So here I am at this place in my life where I'm having to make changes not because things are horrible, but because I am not being true to who I really am. Things need to be altered to fit my needs. That sounds selfish, but it's really not. What purpose is it to walk through life doing things that are dissatisfying to us? There is no purpose. Remaining true to who you are & your true values brings with it many joys and fulfillment with life in general. The interesting thing about Saturn Return for me is that, my five & ten year plans are now of course. Though it's not a problem...I just have to make a revision, lol.
"Growth is often accompanied by trepidation & turmoil. As the old self is pushed aside to make room for the new, you may feel weak and vulnerable. You want to move ahead, yet are frustrated by a fear of doing so, torn between a compelling urge to throw off everything connected with your past and an equally frantic need to cling to the familiar rather than brave the great unknown."
Truth is, I'm struggling to let go of what I've already tried altering to fit my needs. I am in a constant struggle with myself...working feverishly to contain my true desires and needs...my values and what I hold dear to my soul, instead of letting go and being free. Moving ahead is frustrating and I'm slightly fearful...ok. terrified!
Revising Worn Out Patterns
Saturn strips away illusions and points out limitations, allowing you to view yourself in a harsh, often unflattering light. At the same time, it endows you with prudence, practicality, and the perseverance to work hard toward achieving your purposes. Consequently, this is a good time to rearrange your career or lay the foundation for a new one. Saturn Return almost always requires some major adjustments in lifestyle, attitudes, and relationships. Anything you have outgrown, or have tolerated but not found satisfying, must end now or be altered to meet your emerging needs. According to Hand, "Consciously or unconsciously, you are pruning your life of everything that is not relevant to what you really are as a human being."
I've felt this fierce urgency to change for a some time now. I haven't been myself lately and have said this to those close to me. During this last semester of school I started to feel that I'd not been true to who I am...I ignored it. I read a wonderful book Who Moved My Cheese? and there it was...this insatiable thirst to change. Now, once again, I've found myself in this place of needing to change because I have not been true to who I really am. I've held back, become withdrawn...I'm a robot...just going through the motions trying not to feel so that I can continue to keep the true me at bay. WELL IT'S NOT WORKING!!!!!!!
My true self is overpowering all efforts of containment. I've found myself working toward starting private practice about FOUR TO FIVE years earlier than I previously planned. I'm re-evaluating my relationships. Sometimes people like the person they believe you to be...the person they've imagined you are and not the true you. We often adapt to situations and different people, but at what cost to ourselves? Yes, at my job I allow them to believe they are teaching me something I don't know out of sheer exhaustion of trying to prove otherwise. It is possible to adapt and still remain true to yourself...right?
So here I am at this place in my life where I'm having to make changes not because things are horrible, but because I am not being true to who I really am. Things need to be altered to fit my needs. That sounds selfish, but it's really not. What purpose is it to walk through life doing things that are dissatisfying to us? There is no purpose. Remaining true to who you are & your true values brings with it many joys and fulfillment with life in general. The interesting thing about Saturn Return for me is that, my five & ten year plans are now of course. Though it's not a problem...I just have to make a revision, lol.
"Growth is often accompanied by trepidation & turmoil. As the old self is pushed aside to make room for the new, you may feel weak and vulnerable. You want to move ahead, yet are frustrated by a fear of doing so, torn between a compelling urge to throw off everything connected with your past and an equally frantic need to cling to the familiar rather than brave the great unknown."
Truth is, I'm struggling to let go of what I've already tried altering to fit my needs. I am in a constant struggle with myself...working feverishly to contain my true desires and needs...my values and what I hold dear to my soul, instead of letting go and being free. Moving ahead is frustrating and I'm slightly fearful...ok. terrified!
Thank you Stix-n-Stuff
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Revision & Evolution
I shared this with some friends today, and I'd like to share with you as well.
"It's never too late- in life or in fiction- to revise."
There is always an opportunity to revise. Often we get stuck in one position and feel there is no way out. THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY OUT...IT'S CALLED A REVISION! Change is inevitable. Without it we would not be in the place we're in today...however sad a condition the Earth seems to be in, but I digress...when we don't like something, or a situation does not seem to be beneficial to us...make a revision. We decide the direction we travel, whether it's a heavily trodden path or the road less traveled, it's our decision. So, if we have the power to choose our own path, why not make the choice to revise? This is simple...
For future thoughts...when making a revision, there is an attempt to change, and with that change comes adaptation and evolution. Adapting and growing to become a better version of who you are, is indeed an evolution for any of us who may be questioning the thought proceeding the latter.
"It's never too late- in life or in fiction- to revise."
There is always an opportunity to revise. Often we get stuck in one position and feel there is no way out. THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY OUT...IT'S CALLED A REVISION! Change is inevitable. Without it we would not be in the place we're in today...however sad a condition the Earth seems to be in, but I digress...when we don't like something, or a situation does not seem to be beneficial to us...make a revision. We decide the direction we travel, whether it's a heavily trodden path or the road less traveled, it's our decision. So, if we have the power to choose our own path, why not make the choice to revise? This is simple...
For future thoughts...when making a revision, there is an attempt to change, and with that change comes adaptation and evolution. Adapting and growing to become a better version of who you are, is indeed an evolution for any of us who may be questioning the thought proceeding the latter.
Simplicity
Simplicity
“We are the most materially affluent of all generations. In pursuit of the ‘good’ life, we have the possibility of more possessions, attainments and choices than ever before. We are also a generation of great despair, alienation, and unhappiness. We tend to be hoarders, amassing, accumulating, and gathering endless stockpiles of ‘stuff,’ inwardly and outwardly, which itself becomes a source of anxiety and tension. The clutter we accumulate, the endless possessions that no longer serve us, the distractions that fill our days, the incomplete conversations and relationships, the long list of things we “meant” to do, take over our lives our homes, and our hearts.”
“Clearly the meaning of our lives cannot be defined by our accumulation of things & achievements. The meaning of our lives is defined by the quality of our presence in this world and in each moment.”
The Buddhist Path to Simplicity
“We are the most materially affluent of all generations. In pursuit of the ‘good’ life, we have the possibility of more possessions, attainments and choices than ever before. We are also a generation of great despair, alienation, and unhappiness. We tend to be hoarders, amassing, accumulating, and gathering endless stockpiles of ‘stuff,’ inwardly and outwardly, which itself becomes a source of anxiety and tension. The clutter we accumulate, the endless possessions that no longer serve us, the distractions that fill our days, the incomplete conversations and relationships, the long list of things we “meant” to do, take over our lives our homes, and our hearts.”
“Clearly the meaning of our lives cannot be defined by our accumulation of things & achievements. The meaning of our lives is defined by the quality of our presence in this world and in each moment.”
The Buddhist Path to Simplicity
This is just a thought…why do we base the importance of our lives on the possessions and achievements we’ve acquired? We’ve been conditioned by society that the quality of our lives, our legacy is by what we have materially and in accolades. The true quality is how we’ve lived that life. Were we at peace with ourselves? Were our lives full of happiness and peaceful moments? Or was that life filled with stress and tension by trying to obtain possessions that society has told us we should have. I too am guilty of hoarding things…both inwardly and outwardly. Also of trying attain things that I’ve been conditioned to have. I’ve slowly started to let go of these things…these societal ideas in order to free myself; Freedom from the seemingly never-ending race to obtain possessions instead of seeking internal peace and happiness. No, this does not mean I’m going to relinquish my possessions, just be more conscious of how I base the quality of my life. I’ve been blessed to have wonderful things in my life. I’m grateful. I am becoming more aware of my inner struggle for peace and serenity. Trying to let go of the stress and tension and finding the source of these things is a step in the direction of simplicity.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
